The Gay Whopper?

For the record, I could not possibly care less what you do in the privacy of your own home to yourself or to another, provided the other is a consenting adult. That said I go to restaurants to eat, not to make a political or cultural statement. I also am categorically disinterested in your sexual habits, gay, straight, whatever. If you are into bestiality, I do not want to know. Burger King (or is it Queen now?) has just announced the “Gay Whopper.” The whole term ‘special sauce’ is now seared into my consciousness and I cannot stop laughing.

Frankly, I do not want any more precious seconds of my life further interrupted by the pop culture’s insatiable need to constantly tell me about the grooming, eating, toilet and sexual habits of the various and sundry characters that cross the worlds stage 15 minutes at a time. Andy Warhol is calling from the grave and he want’s his cliche back.

The ongoing insatiable need for the gay community to be not only tolerated, but lauded and applauded only tells me that someone needs a hug from Mommy. Why? Because the activists in this community always seem to need to hear how special they are. Perhaps this is a trait of all leftist activists and this crowd is just a tad more flamboyant about it.  Instead, can we just end the banal, national dialogue about someone’s private recreational preferences?

How do you make a Whopper Gay? According to the brain trust at Burger King you wrap it in a rainbow colored piece of paper. If this is not the pinnacle of lame, I either missed it, or “Pajama Boy” is still sitting on top of that peak … smiling.

Given that a piece of rainbow paper paper makes the Whopper ‘Gay’, does a black beret make it the ‘Panther Whopper?’ Would a white wrapper make it the ‘KKK Whopper?’ Stupid and lame.  Are sales at BK so bad that they need to grab for 2% of the population that hard? No pun intended. Really.

If the Whopper is made with only one bun is it a Zen Whopper?  Would an Atheist Whopper deny it has a maker?  Would an Agnostic Whopper simply ‘be?’  Is a Buddhist Whopper an illusion? Are the 900+ calories you get from eating a Whopper (any Whopper) the illusion?  Is an Obama Whopper one were the employee who made the burger is denied credit for his effort?  What would you call a Whopper made from veal?  All of these questions are not important.

The folks at Burger King just lost money because Americans are in general tired of being called intolerant while living in one of the most tolerant societies in the history of the world.  The Gay Whopper is a pathetic trivialization of mankind’s historic, systemic and brutal intolerance towards outsiders.

Human history is filled with the killing, looting, raping and enslavement of ‘Outsiders’.  Outsiders are defined by everything from not worshiping the same pile of stones, speaking the same language, having different colored eyes, or hair, or skin.  Any difference will do when it comes to getting the green light to brutalize ones neighbor.  Our country has a two hundred year history of accepting immigrants of other cultures and incorporating them into our national fabric, we are tired of the intolerance narrative.  We are not perfect, but we are better than what we came from.  Please, can we at least eat in peace?


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